In a 21st century lifestyle, It is always demanding to make life significant in our personal and professional lives alike. Reaching workplace goals, developing healthy connections and even just leading a more balanced lifestyle can all become overwhelming. Most people are unable to break free from the inner critic, that little voice inside of us.The more we try and crush it with kindness or reach out in love towards someone else.
This inner critic, left unchecked can destroy your self-esteem and hold you back from becoming all that you are truly capable of. It’s a harsh reality, yet so many of us can identify with the crippling fear that floods our bodies when we perceive ourselves as failures or feel like were not “good enough. Conquering the inner critic is a key skill resulting in personal and business success. With the help of someone who specializes in a holistic approach to mental health and well-being, such as those offered at All in the Family Counselling, you can work on shutting that mean voice up for good – replacing it with positive self affirmations.
What Is the Inner Critic?
As the individual becomes aware of this process, they are able to understand that despite what we believe at those moments when our inner critic is putting us down so much most likely everyone has an internal voice which continually degrades them performance-wise. It is the voice that sits on your shoulder and doubts you every time, it refers to itself as their little man who makes jokes even when none are wanted. This critic presents itself in different guises, but usually as an echo of our past experiences and societal pressures — or even a reflection of deep-seated personal beliefs.
During times of stress or vulnerability is when the inner critic will be at his loudest. It might tell you things such as: You will never be successful. These negative thoughts go round and round, leading to self-esteem dropping lower/ anxiety increasing until we procrastinate the whole day way. Left to its own devices, the inner critic will inhibit you from taking chances in your professional pursuits; it may quash meaningful relationships and prevent an expansion of new territories.
The Inner Critic and Career success
Your inner critic can destroy your career in insidious ways. It causes you to doubt yourself, lose out on chances when lifetime opportunities come up and act a little less than what your capable of. As in your job interview example, you might instead of presenting yourself confidently; shift attention to what is bad about you and say it with a doubt if you are worthy for the position. And this can be a form of self-sabotage giving us the reasons we just missed out or why our professional growth have been stagnated.
Even further, the inner critic can provide a fear of failure when it comes to career advancement and will therefore prevent you from reaching for greater goals. You could stay in a job you hate or tell yourself some story about how going for the promotion is just silly, they would never take someone like me. Over time, this can lead to burnout and leave you feeling resentful about your work.
The Impact of the Inner Critic on Relationships
And it will screw up your love life, too, because the inner critic is no respecter of environments. They make it hard to form and/or maintain a close connection with another person because asking for support can be perceived as too needy (this one is really common) or we believe that our needs have less value than the other persons. Perhaps you avoid forming meaningful emotional bonds because in your heart of hearts, you feel unworthy or anticipate the impending rejection by others.
In romantic relationships, that inner critic rears its head as insecurity (eg: why would they want YOU), or jealousy (they WILL leave you for someone better) … and it robs us of trust. In friendships, it may mean avoiding other people or conflict — when conquering those conflicts could lead to even stronger connections. And eventually, the incessant questioning starts to eat away at that once strong bedrock of trust (seen as both a shared blessing and mutual vulnerability), until you are left feeling alone or largely dissatisfied.
Conquering Your Inner Critic with Therapy
Defeating the inner critic does not occur overnight but exploring these harmful thought patterns can be achieved through therapy. At All in the Family Counselling we offer individual counselling geared towards self-awareness, emotional growth and cognitive restructuring. In working with a counselor, you can begin to sort through where this inner critic socked in and even start introducing some more healthy ways of relating to yourself.
Understanding Where Your Inner Critic Comes From
The first step in shutting up your inner jerk is being aware of where it comes from. This voice is often formed from these early life experiences, a lot of the time being lessons in criticism by our parents, teachers or out there in competition with other kids. Sometimes though, it is societal notions of success or beauty that create a feeling of insufficiency. Therapy can be used to find out what these triggers are and how they have written programs into your brain.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
One way of dealing with the inner critic is through a therapy like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). This is a type of therapy where you recognize negative responses to your thoughts and replace them with fair, aspirational beliefs. So, instead of saying “I will never be successful”, CBT invites you to question that thought by simply asking yourself: What proof do I have for this? and what I have actually managed to do when the fear was at its maximum.
Practice Self-Compassion
The most important part of silencing your inner critic is by being gentler on yourself. We are often the most unkind when speaking about ourselves, setting impossible measures of perfect while a kinder heart is extended to others. Through therapy, you will master ways to develop self-compassion that allow you to embrace your flaws without attaching them as part of who you are. You will start to have more realistic expectations of yourself and as a result, anxiety/ stress in the work or personal life.
Set Realistic Goals
Such impossible standards, that damn Inner-Critic of yoursLove you often for the unachievable perfectionism. Therapy can also help you determine what your realistic, but challenging goals are to ask more of yourself without asking too much. In every area of life, be it your career or relationships (cause hello thatis a big struggle for pretty much…everyone) having measurable small goals to achieve incrementally will help you not only practice self care but give yourself something worth improving on—so when anxiety strikes back in and tellsyou jumping from point A- B just isn’t possible today ….it is. And also over time, it weakens the power of your inner critic because you begin to celebrate these victories — no matter how small.
Develop Resilience
What matters is developing resilience—the skill of quieting the inner critic. While, of course life is all about the challenges and hurdles coming in our ways,but your getting up after that fall will define how successful you are. Therapy can teach you how to navigate failure, rejection and criticism without them reinforcing the belief that your inherently unworthy of love. When faced with similar challenges in your day-to-day life, you will be able to deal a lot more confidently and become assured of yourself.
And very effective — in terms of your career and relationships.
Your career and relationships will soar when you stop listening to your inner critic And the more effectively you communicate, the better you will feel about your ability to navigate challenges and take advantage of opportunities at work. You will no longer feel fear of failure because you realize that setbacks are not proof your inferiority; they become opportunities to grow.
You become more open, naturally be vulnerable and present in your relationships by silencing your inner critic. You will cease looking for acceptance in the wrong places and start making connections that are rooted in respect, raising you out of a turbulent time to find those who speak your language. Once you are willing to face this, your fears of being rejected/abandoned will start dropping away — and in the space where these used to be, trust us; real relationships can now form.
Conclusion
The inner critic can be strong, but it need not rule the world. A competent therapist At All in the Family Counselling can help you know, contest but finally silencing this voice. Develop it through nurturing self-compassion, resilience and manage those expectations into something realistic for you, and watch as your career start to sky rocket on the wings of positive investing. [Success is only a] thing away — all you have to do is silence that inner critic.
